Taking Stock

Taking Stock – March 2019

I have had a hectic few weeks emotionally, I am definitely feeling better and seeing things much clearer for some reason. I lost my dad about two weeks ago and it has made me realize a lot of things about myself by learning a lot more about his life. And its crazy that he is no longer here and watching my mom live her life without him is strange too.

But that’s a whole post for another day.

I wanted to get writing again so here is a little summary on what’s happening in my life.

Cooking: A lot of meat and rice. I’ve actually become rice obsessed. And nothing fancy. All I want is Tastic rice.

Drinking: Lots of lemon water with lemons from our tree. Not being able to buy lemons is a blessing.

Reading: Chimamanda Adichie’s ‘Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions’ from Lisbeth. Great read for any moms, aspiring moms and any woman in general really.

Looking: For joy in things I used to enjoy without being overly emotional.

Deciding: What to do with the next few months.

Wishing: I had more energy for this life thing.

Enjoying: My driving lessons. Its scary for me but its something I need to get done regardless of whatever fears I may have.

Waiting: To travel down south and see my baby.

Liking: How much closer to my immediate family members I’ve become since losing Dad.

Wondering: How the next few months will play out for me.

Loving: Time at home with my mother, niece and nephew. Its been great to not be self-serving and helping others instead.

Listening: To ‘Joy Joy’ and ‘The Journey’ by Black Motion. Their music makes me feel alive again. Listen to both.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGAeYTQRWNc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RlHdcaBQro

Considering: Some form of mentorship. I need it.

Buying: A lot of thrifted clothes with my mother. I refuse to spend money on new conventional clothes when I can get amazing good quality clothes for a massive discount.

Watching: A lot of YouTube videos and a lot of the Investigative Discovery Channel because my mother is obsessed with crime stories and so am I.

Hoping: To get my driver’s license before my birthday. I am so invested in the process and I’m being hard on myself about it but I want to achieve something I can look at that will be mine. How I manage to become emotional about getting a drivers’ license is crazy.

Cringing: The amount of money I’ll need to spend on a new phone in order to get ahead in this creative life I’m on. Sacrifices!

Marveling: At how small the world truly is. Everything is a plane or ship away from your doorstep.

Needing: To start reading a lot more again.

Wearing: Baggy pants and shirts because my body is under construction and I’m mainly home so comfort over any sort of style.

Smelling: Fresh rainy air because its been beautiful outside and the trees seem to want to share it with us.

Following: I have been off social media in a while, in months for the most part so no new follows.

Noticing: That my skin is responding well to the new Neutrogena products my sisters’ besties recommended. I do minimal for my face, but I like to invest a little and see results.

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Knowing: That everything works out the way God intends for it no matter how much we fuss.

Thinking: How the rest of this year will play out. A lot of plans but very few resources.

Disliking: My indecisiveness about important things I need to accomplish.

Opening: My laptop up a bit more to start writing again even when I don’t feel like writing. Sometimes you must push yourself because no one else will.

Feeling: Sleepy a lot of the time but unable to stay asleep.

Celebrating: Life. It’s a real gift to have life.

Pretending: To be okay emotionally but really crumbling inside and just trying hard to keep it together because I’m too grown.

Embracing: The idea of being 26 in just three months from now. Ageing is a fear I have but

I am not sure if you can sense the anxiety in my writing but I am trying hard to not stop doing the things I am suppose to just because my life has changed in some way. I never want to stop living because my life has changed – if anything it needs to motivate me to keep going. And going I will.

Always fishing for inspiration, here are some of my favorites for you from We Heart It.

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My whole life in a photo right now

 

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